Growing up in a Christian home, God spared me from those incredible testimonies we often hear about--you know, going from utter despair through addiction and hard living to a life miraculously freed from the certain death-traps of this world. My life went down a different path, but as I grew, "knowing all the answers" and being on the right leadership teams and missions trips eventually caused me to lose sight of God's presence in my life--every day, every moment. I became complacent.
As time went on, I began to rely more and more on myself (without even really recognizing it.) Before I knew it, I convinced myself that I knew what God wanted with me, so I just went on living, making my own decisions without any real regard for God's plan for me.
That time in my life culminated on a window ledge, eight stories above the city streets of Baltimore. I really had no idea how it came to that... I was still convinced I knew more than God. But there I was, completely bankrupt of my own love, and worse--God's love.
By God's grace alone, I stepped down from the ledge. A month later, I found myself on the "it's a miracle you're alive" side of an horrific high-speed motorcycle crash. Imagine the irony--one month earlier I considered taking my own life, and there I was, my life totally at God's mercy, with absolutely no control over the outcome.
I discovered an amazing truth in that experience. GOD IS IN CONTROL. No matter what I think or try to accomplish, apart from God, it means nothing. It was through this experience I became sure of a few things:
1. Ignoring God doesn't take wild acts of rebellion, just a self-centered attitude.
2. Jesus died for me so that I could live.
3. That life is far more exciting and unpredictable and FULFILLING than one I could ever plan.
Since those dark days, God has shown me clear, specific, incredible purpose in my life, and though I occasionally lose sight, I am forever changed--complacency is an attitude of the past, He will always be first.