I used to be so depressed all the time. I was hospitalized and given medication for depression in high school. I started to feel better, but my thoughts stayed the same. All I thought about was everything that I had done wrong and how I would never be good enough. I tried so hard to do all the right things to make Jesus happy with me. I served others until I was exhausted, but I always felt like it was not enough. I felt so hopeless, and I turned to people for constant support and approval. However, their words would only help me while they were with me. When I had to do things alone, like go to school, I felt so lost. I did not know what to say or do. After letting other people down so many times, I felt afraid to live and love. I did not want to make any mistakes, so I pretended I did not need people and turned to food. I tried to say all the right things to friends and family, but I did not really believe what I was saying myself. I believed that I did not matter. Then, in December of 2010, I started to see life in a different way. I read my Bible before, but now I saw it in a totally different way. I realized that God loves me personally. I know now that I have worth and that I am loved for who I am, not what I do or don't do. I started seeing His love and power all around me, through songs, the sunset, the clouds, and classes at school getting canceled when I needed a break. I was finally able to talk openly with friends and family and did not have to worry about saying the wrong things. I experience real joy and peace because I know that all of the mistakes that I have made and still make are forgiven. I don't have to be afraid anymore of messing up or of being alone because I know that Jesus is always with me and that he always helps me. I am learning now that I have a purpose and a reason to live. I get to experience real love that never fails every day, and I get to share that love with others.
